My Five-Year Journey with IVF (And some exciting news!!)

My Five-Year Journey with IVF (& Some Exciting News!)

By Arsiak Vartenian

I still remember that day. It was the early afternoon of Friday, April 17, 2020. My husband, Amir, and I were so ecstatic —we had been preparing for months for the arrival of our baby boy. It marked the end of a 3 year journey with IVF. Our surrogate was finally pregnant and we were so excited and ready to be parents.

That day, we were supposed to see our baby boy’s face at our 20-week ultrasound (which ended up happening at 24 weeks due to some health circumstances). My phone began ringing with a FaceTime call from our surrogate who was in another state.

Ring ring.

Right away I knew something was wrong. We were supposed to see our baby and hear his little heartbeat.

I’ll never forget the expression on my surrogate's face. It’s something that haunts me to this day. Tears streamed down her face and she looked heartbroken.

Something was wrong.

The doctor came on and said there was no heartbeat, and at that moment, my heart also seemed to stop. I felt like I was being suffocated. It was the worst pain I had ever felt.

We lost our baby boy that we were supposed to give the world to.

For some of us, natural pregnancy is something that we are blessed with. For others, like me, relying on IVF and surrogacy is something that could change our journeys to create a family of our own, and therefore, change our lives.

When I started talking about my IVF journey with friends and family, one thing stood out to me: No one knew how to react. They didn’t know what questions to ask, whether to say, “I’m sorry”, “Better luck next time”, or “Have you thought of adoption?” And that’s okay. These reactions are only human.

In Vitro Fertilization (or IVF) is the process of taking the egg and sperm in a glass dish and infusing them together to create an embryo––the early stage of a baby––and implanting it into the uterus. The IVF process looks different for everyone but has one goal: giving women the family they have always dreamed of.

For me, this past summer marked the conclusion of my fifth retrieval after countless failed attempts, hormonal imbalances, talk of surrogacy, and needles, needles, and more needles.

“What if?” was a thought constantly running through my mind. What if I can’t get pregnant? What if I can’t create a family of my own? What if I go through this entire process for nothing?

I recently sat down with Dr. Roohi Jeelani, MD, Reproductive Endocrinologist & Infertility Specialist, to discuss the IVF process and our personal experiences with infertility. Dr. Jeelani has also experienced imbalances in her body and infertility but was eventually blessed with a son through the IVF process.

We discussed the science behind infertility (fun fact: ⅓ of infertility is caused by the male and ⅓ is caused by a combination of the male and female, yet we, as women, tend to place all the blame on ourselves). She explained that the peak fertility age is 23 years old, so if having a family of your own is a goal of yours someday, freezing your eggs in your early 20s is an amazing security blanket.

A lot of people shy away from IVF because it is perceived as way too expensive to afford. Actually, in some states and with certain coverage, insurance will cover the cost of some procedures and processes, making IVF much more affordable and accessible for those who need it. Hopefully, achieving pregnancy with the help of science will continue to become more affordable in the near future.

Infertility is such a taboo topic, but these are conversations we should be having. We should be talking about our struggles with our loved ones. We should be as vocal as possible with our partners about our needs and wants. We should be transparent about our journeys and what we are going through.

After losing my baby boy, I just went through the motions. It was all I could do at the time. We gave him a name and decided that cremation was our best option, but before that process, had him baptized and photographed so we could remember what his tiny face looked like. It took me months to actually muster up the strength to look at these photos, but I’m so thankful I have them to remember him by.
A lot of times, we think we are in control of everything that happens to us. It was really hard to grasp that I did everything I was supposed to do. We did everything we were supposed to do. Yet, anything could happen. And the worst thing that could’ve happened did.

God has a way of guiding us even when we don’t recognize it, and in this situation, the timing just wasn’t right for us to be blessed with a child of our own.

Eventually, Amir and I decided to get back up and try again.

This time, we discovered a different agency and got in touch with a different surrogate. The woman that we met through this agency has been an incredible blessing to us. After a failed transfer but a successful one to follow, we found out some incredible news:

We are pregnant! Our little girl is coming in January and we couldn’t be more excited. This time, it just feels different. It feels right. We’ve met such amazing people throughout this entire journey, and we truly feel so blessed to be given the opportunity to raise a baby girl.

With all the circumstances and hardships I’ve endured, I understand what you may be going through. I know what it’s like to struggle with infertility, failed pregnancies, and letdowns. It hasn’t been easy, but after years of fighting and struggling, I finally feel like everything is falling into place.
This little girl is my miracle baby. She is powerful and is fighting her way into this world, and she chose me to be her mom. How marvelous is that? I can’t wait to meet my sweet baby girl, to see who she’ll look more like (me or my husband), to watch her personality unfold, witness what she’s passionate about, and raise her up to be independent, fearless, and strong.

After years and years of disappointment, shame, and tears, I am finally going to become a mother. While I won’t ever forget the journey it took to get here, I do know that everything happened for a specific reason. God had a plan, and He knew exactly what He was doing. All of the pain was so worth it.

If you are doing everything in your power to create a family and still feel stuck, lost, and disappointed, have hope. There are ways to achieve a family. Don’t give up yet; I promise it will all be worth it in the end.

If you know someone with an inspiring story that can motivate and help others grow, we'd love to hear from you! Please reach out here and tell us a little more about them or you!

To watch my episode of Smart Is the New Sexy on IVF featuring Dr. Roohi Jeelani, please visit my YouTube channel.

Follow Dr. Roohi Jeelani on Instagram to learn more about infertility and IVF.

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Hey! I’m Arsiak.

Hi I’m Arsiak Vartenian and I’m the Founder and Host of ‘Smart is the New Sexy’ an uplifting talk show and online platform that highlights the power of dreaming big through storytelling, connection, community, and heart.

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